Allison Holker says Stephen ‘Twitch’ boss changed after the Ayahuasca tour

Allison Holker says Stephen ‘Twitch’ boss was never the same after trying Ayahuasca.

The So you think you can dance alum explained on a recent episode of Jamie Kern Lima Show That her late husband, who died of suicide in December 2022, was negatively affected by the experience.

“I think it was a very big turning point for him,” Holker said. “I feel like his heart was never really in the same place when he came back. He could still find joy and he could still go day by day putting his face on and getting through the days, but something was missing in his eyes. ”

She continued, “It just feels like he was opening something to himself that he never healed. And never let go fully. ”

Stephen “Twitch” boss.

Rodin Eckenroth/WireImage


According to Cleveland ClinicAyahuasca is a “hallucinogen tea” known for its spiritual and medical qualities that have been used by communities living in South America for centuries. While the drug affects everyone differently, its symptoms range throughout euphoria and visual or auditory hallucinations to anxiety, vomiting and chest pain.

Holker continued to state that while she “will always celebrate Stephen,” she must be careful about how she chooses to honor him forward.

“I think he was a wonderful person and I’m really sad what he went through, but I also have to be careful because I can’t celebrate so much of his choice,” she explained. “And it’s a really nice line, I have to go as a mother right now is because (the kids) is very hurt by their father’s decision.”

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Holker noted that their three children “have a lot of triggers that they need to be in therapy now to really work through” after Boss’ death.

“But what I’m impressed with is that they do the work and they spend time and they find joy in life and they find laughter again,” she continued. “But there is a lot to unpack for them that they will have to tackle the rest of their lives.”

Last month Holker responded on the backlash of friends and family that surrounds her decision to detail Boss’ death in her new memoir, So far: My story of love, loss and embrace of light.

“To fans of Stephen and our family and friends I will be aware that my only intention of writing the book is to share my own story as well as part of my life with Stephen to help other people,” she wrote in a Long time Instagram Story Post. “Like you, I never really knew what happened, and even when I try to put the pieces together, I never really want to know.”

Holker explained at the time that she wrote the memoir “To celebrate the love and life I shared with Stephen and our three beautiful children, and also the more complex aspects of both our lives” as well as to “help another who Had to see herself or a loved one in Stephen.

“I think if Stephen was able to choose, he would choose to have his story told if it meant to save another life,” she continued. “A lot of love for all those who have supported our family these man years.”

See Holker Discuss Boss’ Ayahuasca journey in the podcast above.

If you or someone you know are considering suicide 988lifeline.org.